How to Build Communication in Relationships

Relationships aren't always easy, however, they are often made harder by a lack of communication. This is essential in cases of arguments. Whether it's about money, personal values, or a need for something in the relationship, communication is often at the heart of the issue.

Communication starts with a mindset. We are a team. If you get in an argument with your significant other and you go into it thinking of your loved one on the other side, you will almost never come out ahead. Instead try approaching these issues with a sense of "This is the situation, we should work together to build a solution."

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Sometimes arguments get messy and communication goes out the window. To solve this set up rules you can both agree to at the start of the discussion. Here are some examples:

  • No inappropriate language.

  • No name calling.

  • Start claims with "I feel like..." so that it feels less like an attack on the other person.

  • No interrupting.

Sometimes not all of these are possible but its important to make sure the other one feels understood and not attacked. This applies not just to arguments but to everyday conversations.

Communication is important outside of disagreements as well. Building communication now can even make arguments easier to handle in the future. Here is how to build communication outside of arguments:

  • Ask how the other's day was and be sure to listen.

  • When making plans make sure the other person knows about it.

  • Give them 100% attention when they are talking to you. This means no playing games on your phone when they are telling you something.

Communication is an important part of relationships, the good and the bad times, so make sure you and your partner know you can talk to each other openly and work together as a team to build better communication in your relationship.

What To Do When You Are Wrong

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Admitting that you were wrong is one of the toughest challenges many of us face. It can be especially difficult when facing someone that means a great deal to you. It is counter intuitive though when often ceding this bit of ego can often be the best remedy for a wrong. There are many psychological reasons for this behavior and it comes naturally to most of us. The confidence required is a learned trait and here are some of the ways that you can master it.

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Admission

Taking a moment to own up to your mistake is the first and most important step but also probably the most challenging. Something to think about to make it a bit easier is the positive outcomes. There really are no mistakes in life, only opportunities to creatively solve problems and to learn. We all are all going to be wrong about something, but stopping and learning is a huge advantage. Take your wisdom with you to your next opportunity. The chance for reconciliation is the other positive. While there isn't always room for reconciliation, it is almost impossible without admitting your fault in the first place. Focus on these positive consequences rather than the negatives and it becomes easier to face the music.

Remember Your Strength

There is always an easy way and a correct way and the correct way is always the better choice. Owning up to your wrongs is the correct way but this also gives you power over your wrongs. This requires strength and is a major self esteem booster. Many people struggle to access this strength but we all have it and in this process it is important to remember how you've set yourself apart. Confident people make confident decisions and people will recognize this and it is important that you do as well.

Assuming Control

While it is true that you have very little control over the consequences you'll face, you are able to control how you respond to them. By admitting you're wrong, you are essentially putting the ball in someone else's court. You are upholding your end of a trust bargain and they have to reconcile how they choose to respond. Once you've assumed this position, you can accept that you've done what you can. Putting yourself in a favorable position is always a good choice as well. For example, if it's at work, being a good employee or coworker is a great way to have leeway to make mistakes.

Your Quality

Being wrong about something doesn't make you as a person wrong. Low self-esteem will cause you to reinforce your beliefs about yourself which leads to guarding against being wrong, even to ourselves. There is always a chance to show your quality and remember, every human ever has made a mistake, so you're not alone. You probably even have someone in your life who has wronged you that has remained in good standing despite their mistakes. If you're capable of this empathy, other people are as well.

Making It Right

You can't right every wrong in the eyes of another person, but you can always make it right with yourself. If you upset someone in the workplace, ask them what you can do to not make the same mistake in the future. Learn your boundaries with that person and respect them. If you gave a poor performance at something, be it a test or a work project or something else, either do better next time, or find a way to redo it and fix the mistakes. Don't be afraid to ask someone how you can make it right either. In the end, finding peace with your wrongs is the best way to make it right for everyone involved, including yourself.

Admitting that we are wrong is a difficult lesson to learn. For some people, it comes a bit more naturally but all of us have to go through the process. Practice is the only way to get better so make sure to fit these tips into your routine and eventually you'll reap the rewards of your efforts. You'll see your relationships improve, better career performance and much higher self-esteem and there is very little that is more invaluable.

Getting Serious? Be Sure to Discuss These 5 Topics Before Taking the Leap

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Dating in a "swipe right" world is much different than how your parents dated. Courtship has evolved into speed dating, dating apps, and inflated profiles. The good news is one aspect of dating hasn't changed. Discussing life-changing deal breakers before making ultimate commitments is still a best practice. If you find yourself in a semi-serious relationship and are contemplating a commitment, be sure to address these common social topics, and their financial implications before moving forward.

Having Children

Wanting or not wanting children can make or break a relationship instantly. Know your preferences and don't be afraid to engage in this conversation. Whether or not to have children can be a dynamic, life-changing decision. It also comes with a financial commitment of child-rearing costs, daycare, and tuitions. Make sure your partner shares your views.

Where to Live

If you've dreamt of country living and imagine yourself raising a family in a rural setting, you need to share this with your partner to make sure you're not committing to someone who feels just as strongly about living in the city. Where you plan to establish your family will also have financial implications. Be sure to discuss your expectations so you can prepare together how best to manage the cost of living in your dream location.

Religious Beliefs

We often avoid discussing religion when we're starting off a new relationship. However, if you're considering a long-term commitment, it's probably best to have these discussions. Aligning your moral compass with someone may be simple but adhering to a series of spiritual requirements or adopting a new faith altogether might be a deal breaker. Be candid and honest about what you expect. Religion can play a part in every aspect of life together including ceremonies, child-rearing, and obligations.

Division of Finances

Be clear about your spending decisions, setting up finances and investments. If you're adamant about maintaining your own accounts, discuss it with your partner. Maybe you both agree to make all of these financial decisions together and jointly. Don't be afraid to discuss credit scores, outstanding debts and plans for long-term savings. The more you're able to address up front, the easier the transition will be into a committed partnership.

Career Goals

Maybe your dream is to be an entrepreneur. Maybe you want to climb the corporate ladder with your firm. Maybe you don't want to work at all. Talking about your career goals and understanding your partner's career goals can uncover potential deal breakers. Career choices will also directly affect your income as a household.

Disagreeing on any of these topics doesn't necessarily constitute a breakup. It will, however, be a good indicator of shared beliefs and relationship compromise. Stick to your guns on those most important to you, but don't be afraid to negotiate others. Compromising and settling are very different. Be willing to compromise, but don't settle for someone who challenges your core beliefs. Discussing these before walking down the aisle can help eliminate a lifetime of resentment or costly separation later.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Sex Life

Communication and Relationships: Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Sex Life

 

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You know that feeling on Christmas morning, when you're sitting down near the tree, and you're excited because you're pretty sure your special someone got you just what you wanted? But then, as the day goes on, you realize that they didn't. Instead, they got you something that was very thoughtful, and a little insightful, but it wasn't really what you had your heart set on.

That feeling? That mix of bittersweet and disappointment that you feel sort of bad for having, but still can't shake off? There's no reason you should feel like that in your sex life. If you find that sensation creeping in, there's a sure-fire way to do away with it. It isn't a huge secret, but it can take time to get used to it.

Tell Them What You Want... It's As Simple As That

The reason you don't get the gift you want, more often than not, is a lack of communication. Maybe you think you were being clear, but if you're dropping hints hoping your significant other will follow the trail of breadcrumbs, there's no guarantee they'll reach the conclusion you wanted them to. If you want them to get to the right place, you need to post clear signs, and draw them a map.

Nowhere is this more true than when it comes to your sex life.

The problem is that a lot of us are embarrassed to talk about sex, or about what we want from sex. We think that if it isn't spontaneous, and that if it isn't born out of in-the-moment passion that it's somehow not as genuine, or that it shouldn't be as good. That thing where two people intimately know each other's wants, though? That happens in one of two ways. The first is that you're the protagonist in a romance novel, and the writer wants to make your love life seem perfect and magical. The second is that you and your partner have been together for a long time, and you've explored each other's needs, grown together, and discovered all those red buttons and secret wants.

There is no shortcut to a great sex life, but you can speed up the process by not playing coy when it comes time to retire to the bedroom (or the living room, or the kitchen, or wherever your preferred place happens to be). You just need to take a deep breath, sit down with your partner, and be open with them about what you need from them.

You Might Find Buried Treasure, If You Start Digging

Open, honest communication is scary. Even if you love your partner, and you trust them, you are leaving a very private part of yourself exposed. But if you can't be truly naked when it comes to your sex life, then when would there be a more appropriate time?

You'll find something else happens when you're direct, open, and honest with your partner, too. You end up learning that what you want might not really be all that hard to provide. Whether it's how you like to be touched, what your fantasies are, or what things you'd really prefer your partner stop doing, you're going to find those barriers that felt insurmountable are really just smoke and mirrors.

Because trying to figure out your partner's sexual wants is a lot like being a safe cracker. If you've got a good ear, the right tools, and a lot of experience, you can tell when the tumblers have dropped, and you've gotten inside. But since you want your partner to get in, not giving them the combination in the first place isn't really helping anyone.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!