Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? And Should It?

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Trust. It is the foundation of any relationship. There are few things that can break the trust in a relationship as well as cheating can. Now, is cheating a deal-breaker? Not necessarily. It certainly doesn't have to ring an end to a normal healthy relationship.

Have you been cheated on? Before you end your relationship, it is important to think carefully and consider the circumstances. Consider your partner as a whole. Is he/she otherwise honest? It won't be easy, but if you trust your partner and feel that they are truly remorseful, you may want to consider working through the infidelity to keep your relationship.

By the way, if you're thinking of divorce, I have a Divorce Survival Toolkit that has crucial information for you- get it here.

But what if they have a track pattern of infidelity and other dishonest behavior? If so, you first need to decide if you are willing to stay. If you do decide to stay, it is important that both you and your partner are willing to work together to get to the root of these issues. Sit down together and establish game plan, such as couples' counseling. Know that if they cannot be open, honest and willing to admit that there is an issue, counseling won't be effective...and their dishonest behavior is likely to continue. 

While considering your partner, don't forget to consider yourself. Think about how being cheated on made you feel. Can you forgive them and let go? If not, that is perfectly okay. Think deeply about yourself and the principles that you value and live your life by. You might feel that this is the ultimate betrayal and that you cannot stay with your partner. There is no point in staying in a relationship if you know that you won't be happy. If you decide to stay, know that your feelings of hurt, betrayal and disappointment will fade with time as long as both you and your significant other work together to rebuild the bridge of trust that once bonded you together as a couple.

The High Stakes of Infidelity – Part 2

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In our last post, we discussed some of the critical factors that often determine whether a marriage will stay intact after infidelity or whether it will dissolve.  In this post, we will discuss what is most likely the greatest determinant of the survival of a marriage and some thoughts on how to arrive at the best outcome.

The Highest Stake

One of the biggest factors that determines the outcome of a marriage after infidelity is the family unit. Once children enter a marriage, parents make countless sacrifices for the health and welfare of their children, and unfaithfulness presents another potential sacrifice on the part of one parent.

Most children are blissfully unaware of marital issues, but instead are living their young lives, unconsciously benefiting from the foundational stability provided by the family unit. As difficult as it is, a spouse who found out their partner cheated on them has to consider whether the pain is severe enough to warrant changing the lives of their children forever through divorce.

Final Thoughts

To arrive at the right decision, it might be helpful to consider the long-term outcome of either staying together or splitting up the family. Can you envision a repaired marriage, an intact stable family and joy in the outcome of a job well done after a lifetime of honoring your commitment? If you dissolve the marriage, what will the lives of your children look like after they grow up? What will your life look like, years down the road?

After infidelity, your future and the future of your children are at a crossroads. Getting beyond the pain in order to look at the long-term consequences of deciding which path to take is not easy, but can be helpful in order to choose the best possible outcome.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

How Solid Was Your Relationship Before the Infidelity?

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Infidelity is one of the hardest things to get over in a relationship. Once you start to think of the other person as untrustworthy, it’s difficult to continue a relationship with them no matter how much they might still want to be with you.

There are certain times when a divorce might seem like the best idea. But there are other times when working on the marriage might seem better. Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself before you make a decision:

How Solid Was Your Relationship Before the Infidelity?

Many people blame infidelity for their breakups but they fail to consider what the relationship was like before the infidelity occurred. Did the two of you spend a lot of time together? Did you have fun on your date nights? Did you have a good sex life?

The fact that a relationship wasn’t doing well doesn’t excuse infidelity but at least it serves to explain it. And if you do decide to continue to be with that person, then the two of you will need to work on your relationship together.

Do You Have a Relationship Pattern of Infidelity?

Every one of us has a pattern in relationships. Some of us are searching for the love we didn’t receive from our parents. Others are looking for someone to save. And some of us tend to fall for people who are in love with someone else or who are not totally committed to us. We get a high from competing for that person’s love. This could be because, as children, we competed with our siblings for the love of our parents.

Of course, it’s very difficult to spot when you’re in a pattern like this. But if you’ve been in a string of relationships where infidelity has been a problem, then you need to ask yourself why you’re falling for these people. Do you unknowingly reject candidates who seem faithful and trustworthy? Spotting a pattern is the first step towards getting out of it.

Call me today and step forward in getting out of your old patterns.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!