Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? And Should It?

Unhealthy Relationship2.jpg

Trust. It is the foundation of any relationship. There are few things that can break the trust in a relationship as well as cheating can. Now, is cheating a deal-breaker? Not necessarily. It certainly doesn't have to ring an end to a normal healthy relationship.

Have you been cheated on? Before you end your relationship, it is important to think carefully and consider the circumstances. Consider your partner as a whole. Is he/she otherwise honest? It won't be easy, but if you trust your partner and feel that they are truly remorseful, you may want to consider working through the infidelity to keep your relationship.

By the way, if you're thinking of divorce, I have a Divorce Survival Toolkit that has crucial information for you- get it here.

But what if they have a track pattern of infidelity and other dishonest behavior? If so, you first need to decide if you are willing to stay. If you do decide to stay, it is important that both you and your partner are willing to work together to get to the root of these issues. Sit down together and establish game plan, such as couples' counseling. Know that if they cannot be open, honest and willing to admit that there is an issue, counseling won't be effective...and their dishonest behavior is likely to continue. 

While considering your partner, don't forget to consider yourself. Think about how being cheated on made you feel. Can you forgive them and let go? If not, that is perfectly okay. Think deeply about yourself and the principles that you value and live your life by. You might feel that this is the ultimate betrayal and that you cannot stay with your partner. There is no point in staying in a relationship if you know that you won't be happy. If you decide to stay, know that your feelings of hurt, betrayal and disappointment will fade with time as long as both you and your significant other work together to rebuild the bridge of trust that once bonded you together as a couple.

Moving on after a break up: Not a loss but a fresh start.

Heartbreaks are, well, heartbreaking. The sudden loss of the person you thought would be by your side forever is devastating. You may still catch yourself hearing a joke, so you turn to watch your partner laugh, only to realize they're gone.  

But after you're done comfort binging romcoms and Ben and Jerry's, it's time to take care of you. The loss your relationship leaves doesn't mean the end of your world. It's time to create a fresh start.  

Life after breakup.jpg

Here are five steps to take back your life and move past a lost love. You can come out of this smarter, more confident, and more financially stable and prepared for a new love.  

1. Look after your health.  

After a break up it's important to take care of yourself. Now's a great time to start a new exercise routine or get a massage. You could even go all out on a spa day. Try healthy new Pinterest meals or try your hand at meal planning. Meal planning can be a great way to make your food budget last longer too!  

2. Pick up a new hobby.  

Besides taking your mind off your ex, a new hobby is a great way to meet new people. This can spur exciting new friendships and even a potential new romance. Look for classes around your neighborhood. Libraries are a great source for free or low-cost classes.  

3. Reconnect with friends and family.  

No one wants to be that person who disappears in a relationship, but we all do a little. After a breakup, your friends and family are there to support you and help you get back on your feet. Listen to them, and go have some fun creating new experiences. You don't need your ex to have fun.  

4. Spend some extra time focusing on your career.  

Like friends and family, sometimes your career can take a back seat during a relationship. Now is a great time to throw yourself headfirst into the runnings. Keeping busy will keep you distracted which in turn keeps the heartbreak at bay. Plus, a promotion on the horizon is always rewarding!  

5. Make your money work for you.  

Relationships can be expensive! Date nights, little gifts, eating for two, birthdays, anniversaries, if you need some support on your marriage, I offer a free call to help you clarify things- schedule it HERE!

Taking Care of Yourself and Moving On After a Breakup

Coping_with_breakup_Kelly_Chisholm.jpg

Breakups affect everyone—those who are married and those who are unmarried, those who have been together for ten years and those who have only been dating for six months. So if your breakup is affecting you, remember that you're not alone. There are many people around you who feel the same way.

Not everyone may feel equally comfortable expressing how they feel after a breakup; they might keep their emotions bottled up inside. This doesn't mean that they don't feel anything. They might be letting their emotions out when they are alone.

It's normal and necessary to grieve after a breakup. But at some point, you need to make a decision to move on. Here are some tips to help you do so:

Self Care                                   

One of the most important things you need to do after a breakup, which will enable you to move on, is to care for yourself. Be good to yourself in any way possible. For some people, self-care might take the form of reading a mystery novel or doing yoga. For others, a spa day or just a manicure will do the trick. You probably know what makes you feel good. So do that.

But remember to also take care of your health by eating well and exercising. Make an effort to dress well too as this will help you to feel more confident when you're ready to start dating gain. Keep your home clean and tidy. These are all really basic things but a lot of people tend to ignore them when they are feeling depressed after a breakup.

Dating

At some point, you're going to feel ready to start dating again. Don't rely on meeting people by chance. It's true that a lot of people meet their spouses at work or at school. However, you may not be in school anymore. And there may not be anyone interesting for you to date at work.

So don't be afraid to go online and set up a profile at a dating website or on an app. Be very clear in your self-description about what you are looking for so that you're not inundated with "likes" and "superlikes" from people who are looking for something different from you. For example, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, you should say so. On the other hand, if you're just looking to socialize and meet new people, you can state that as well.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Keeping Your Self-Esteem: How to Move on After a Break Up

Depositphotos_100337600_m-2015.jpg

Let's face it, heartbreak is not fun and can do some real damage to a person's self-image. But rather than dwelling in your own pity, lowering your self-esteem, and allowing your mental health to suffer, why not rise to the occasion? Take opportunity of this new personal time to reflect on your individual needs and how you can continue to improve your love life!

Know what you want!

Regardless of how the relationship ended, there is always a lesson to be learned about self-awareness. Life experiences and relationships in the past are the perfect resource for knowing exactly what you want in a future partner. Maybe your past partner had some great qualities and some not-so-great qualities, from that you will know what you do and do not want in your next partner. It is so empowering knowing that your next partner will be better for you in every way than your last. Never allow someone else to control your thoughts about yourself and always focus on opportunity for growth in any situation.

Why would you want someone who doesn't want you anyway?

You deserve to be appreciated! Everyone deserves happiness and love in this life and being in a relationship that is toxic, in any sense, is not worth it. No, being broken up with doesn't feel good, and yes, I know you still love him or her, but there is someone out there who will love you more than you ever thought someone could. It should be a huge turn off for anyone if the person you are pursuing doesn't even want you! Get out of that horrible, self-destroying mindset and realize that you are wanted by so many other people! That ex-boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't know your true value. Someone is out there waiting to be your perfect partner.

Independence is key!

It is not uncommon for people to fall extremely dependent on their partner during a relationship. Learning to be independent and self-sustaining is going to help you feel productive and motivated and push you to continue reaching goals and living life. Feeling strong and independent will definitely help increase one's self-esteem after a break-up. Make sure that you are enjoying your favorite hobbies, find a job that you love and are making a good living at, build stronger relationships with friends and family, and never let anyone bring you down. This is much easier said than done, but you can do it and you will thrive!

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

How Being Positive Can Help Dispel Feelings of Loneliness After a Gray Divorce

Gray Divorce.jpg

The term "gray divorce" is generally used to refer to people getting divorced in their fifties. Often, you'll find that these are couples who stayed together for the sake of the children. And as soon as the kids were safely off to college, the couple didn't feel the need to stay together anymore. Of course, things may not be as cut and dried as this; there are many other reasons why people get divorced as well. But if the couple has been married since their twenties, then it's likely that they stuck it out for the kids.

Loneliness

Like any other divorce, the thing that's most scary about a gray divorce is the idea of being alone. You get used to having someone around to do normal things with, such as running errands or watching TV. You might have other couple friends that you went to meet together. Even if you didn't spend a lot of time together, there's a certain sense of comfort in having someone else in the house at the same time. So the idea of losing that can be intimidating.

Friends and Kids

It's more than likely that one of the two spouses will also lose their friends because friends always end up having to take sides in a divorce, thus enhancing the feelings of loneliness. Although children don't have to take sides, the fact is that the child will end up feeling more sympathy for the parent that they are closer to.

Dating

When you've been one half of a couple for so many years, your dating skills are quite rusty. You might feel self-conscious about approaching a member of the opposite sex. Women often complain that men their age are looking for younger women. And if the men are fairly successful in their careers, younger women are also open to dating them. So there are some obstacles when it comes to dating again.

Positivity

It's important to keep in mind that you're not going to be alone for the rest of your life. A lot of self-help gurus recommend that you should remind yourself about all the good things in your life; this will give you the motivation you need to keep going. Try online dating or download an app which will allow you to chat and become comfortable with someone before meeting them. And remember that you now have the freedom to try whatever you like. Be adventurous.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!