Keeping the Spark Alive

Couples and Relationships: Keeping the Spark Alive

 Relationships can grow stale over time, especially when you have lived together for years. Keeping the spark alive is no easy task and can be a huge stumbling block for couples in a relationship. You may feel unattractive to your partner from extra weight or wrinkles gained over the years, but looking good, while maybe helpful, is not what keeps passion alive - a true connection, loyalty, and love are what fuel the flames in any marriage. Here are 3 tips for keeping the spark alive in your relationship.

Some Like It Hot

Keeping the passion alive requires effort. Go out of your way to create a clean and harmonious home space for this is the setting for your romance. Try to make sure all rooms are neat and free of clutter. Decorate with pinks, reds, and whites to spark some loving feelings in the air. When you feel comforted by your surroundings you are more likely to get in the mood. Make sure that you have a warm and cozy bed with clean sheets and pillowcases.    

Date night 

Making a weekly date night, or at least monthly time, to go out to dinner and enjoy yourselves is so important. If you don't have the money, it's good you're here, have a date night at home. It's great to sit down for a meal together as a couple, talk, and look into each other's eyes. Use this time to plan your dreams, discuss your passions, or even plain old small talk will suffice. The concept is to carve out time for both of you to relax and enjoy each other's company. 

By the way, if you need some support on your marriage, I offer a free call to help you clarify things- schedule it here.

Between the sheets

Sadly a healthy sex life is something a lot of people lack. It's important in a romantic relationship to share affection and yes, sex is important sometimes too. If you have to mark your calendar then do so. Spontaneous sex is always great but it's not always necessary. Sexual relationships are good for the soul. Sex is a healthy function of the normal adult and a healthy sex life should be striven for in your relationship.

 

There are infinite ways to spice up your relationship and keep the spark alive. Your life together is much more exciting when passion is important to both of you. Create a safe and clean space, carve out 'together time,' and have fun. Contact us for more information about couples, relationships, and financial planning.

How to Build Communication in Relationships

Relationships aren't always easy, however, they are often made harder by a lack of communication. This is essential in cases of arguments. Whether it's about money, personal values, or a need for something in the relationship, communication is often at the heart of the issue.

Communication starts with a mindset. We are a team. If you get in an argument with your significant other and you go into it thinking of your loved one on the other side, you will almost never come out ahead. Instead try approaching these issues with a sense of "This is the situation, we should work together to build a solution."

By the way, if you need some support on your marriage, I offer a free call to help you clarify things- schedule it here.

Sometimes arguments get messy and communication goes out the window. To solve this set up rules you can both agree to at the start of the discussion. Here are some examples:

  • No inappropriate language.

  • No name calling.

  • Start claims with "I feel like..." so that it feels less like an attack on the other person.

  • No interrupting.

Sometimes not all of these are possible but its important to make sure the other one feels understood and not attacked. This applies not just to arguments but to everyday conversations.

Communication is important outside of disagreements as well. Building communication now can even make arguments easier to handle in the future. Here is how to build communication outside of arguments:

  • Ask how the other's day was and be sure to listen.

  • When making plans make sure the other person knows about it.

  • Give them 100% attention when they are talking to you. This means no playing games on your phone when they are telling you something.

Communication is an important part of relationships, the good and the bad times, so make sure you and your partner know you can talk to each other openly and work together as a team to build better communication in your relationship.

What To Do When You Are Wrong

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Admitting that you were wrong is one of the toughest challenges many of us face. It can be especially difficult when facing someone that means a great deal to you. It is counter intuitive though when often ceding this bit of ego can often be the best remedy for a wrong. There are many psychological reasons for this behavior and it comes naturally to most of us. The confidence required is a learned trait and here are some of the ways that you can master it.

By the way, if you're thinking of divorce, I have a Divorce Survival Toolkit that has crucial information for you- get it here.

Admission

Taking a moment to own up to your mistake is the first and most important step but also probably the most challenging. Something to think about to make it a bit easier is the positive outcomes. There really are no mistakes in life, only opportunities to creatively solve problems and to learn. We all are all going to be wrong about something, but stopping and learning is a huge advantage. Take your wisdom with you to your next opportunity. The chance for reconciliation is the other positive. While there isn't always room for reconciliation, it is almost impossible without admitting your fault in the first place. Focus on these positive consequences rather than the negatives and it becomes easier to face the music.

Remember Your Strength

There is always an easy way and a correct way and the correct way is always the better choice. Owning up to your wrongs is the correct way but this also gives you power over your wrongs. This requires strength and is a major self esteem booster. Many people struggle to access this strength but we all have it and in this process it is important to remember how you've set yourself apart. Confident people make confident decisions and people will recognize this and it is important that you do as well.

Assuming Control

While it is true that you have very little control over the consequences you'll face, you are able to control how you respond to them. By admitting you're wrong, you are essentially putting the ball in someone else's court. You are upholding your end of a trust bargain and they have to reconcile how they choose to respond. Once you've assumed this position, you can accept that you've done what you can. Putting yourself in a favorable position is always a good choice as well. For example, if it's at work, being a good employee or coworker is a great way to have leeway to make mistakes.

Your Quality

Being wrong about something doesn't make you as a person wrong. Low self-esteem will cause you to reinforce your beliefs about yourself which leads to guarding against being wrong, even to ourselves. There is always a chance to show your quality and remember, every human ever has made a mistake, so you're not alone. You probably even have someone in your life who has wronged you that has remained in good standing despite their mistakes. If you're capable of this empathy, other people are as well.

Making It Right

You can't right every wrong in the eyes of another person, but you can always make it right with yourself. If you upset someone in the workplace, ask them what you can do to not make the same mistake in the future. Learn your boundaries with that person and respect them. If you gave a poor performance at something, be it a test or a work project or something else, either do better next time, or find a way to redo it and fix the mistakes. Don't be afraid to ask someone how you can make it right either. In the end, finding peace with your wrongs is the best way to make it right for everyone involved, including yourself.

Admitting that we are wrong is a difficult lesson to learn. For some people, it comes a bit more naturally but all of us have to go through the process. Practice is the only way to get better so make sure to fit these tips into your routine and eventually you'll reap the rewards of your efforts. You'll see your relationships improve, better career performance and much higher self-esteem and there is very little that is more invaluable.

Ways to Handle Difficult Conversations in a Relationship

3 Ways to Handle Difficult Conversations in a Relationship

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Sometimes being in a relationship requires having a difficult conversation. Every counselor knows that ignoring or avoiding difficult issues in a relationship can actually be more detrimental to a relationship than an argument may be. However, figuring out exactly how to have these kinds of conversations can be problematic. Here are 3 things you can do to make those difficult conversations successful.

Be direct and State the Facts

When having a difficult conversation it is important to focus on what matters most. Be direct and stick to the facts by focusing on exactly what happened and why it created a problem. Usually when the focus of the conversation is on the facts, the other party is less likely to feel attacked and will react better. Hopefully, by being direct and sticking to the facts, you will be able to end the conversation on a good note.

Control Your Emotions

Often you must be prepared for difficult conversations to become emotional. Sometimes your partner has been anticipating the conversation and they handle things very well. But at other times, it can be completely unexpected, and an emotional outburst, whether from anger or sadness, can be common. Be sympathetic but don't forget or change your message simply because your loved one has become emotional. Your message is important and shouldn't be compromised because you are surprised or upset by their emotions. These unexpected emotions can be difficult to handle, but often you are as emotionally invested in the issues as your partner is. Therefore, it is paramount to the success of the conversation, and your relationship, that you control your emotions.

End with a Solution

Any challenging conversation should have a purpose. Usually when a difficult conversation is necessary, it is because something our partner is doing is causing problems or bothering us. Therefore, when having those difficult conversations, our goal ought to be finding a solution to the problem. When handled appropriately, your partner will understand that it's not a personal attack but that you are just honestly trying to find a solution. After understanding this, they are often as motivated to find a solution as you are.

Dealing with these difficult situations and conversations are never fun, but by remembering these 3 things we can ensure that our challenging conversations are less controversial and have better results.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!