Trust Issues: Betrayal vs. Early Patterns

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Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Unless you trust the other person to be faithful to you, to be good to you and to tell you the truth, you’re not going to get very far in a relationship. Imagine a relationship in which you’re constantly suspecting that the other person is lying to you. This is not as rare as you might imagine. There are many relationships in which people experience a lot of doubt. Some are sure that the other person is lying to them about money. Others feel like they’re being cheated on even if they have no proof.

Why Do Trust Issues Arise?

There are times when this trust issue arises from a betrayal but there are also times when it’s completely unnecessary i.e., the other person might not be doing anything to betray your trust but you still have doubts about them. Sometimes, not trusting the other person is a pattern that people get into when they are young. Maybe they saw the same pattern existing between their parents. Or maybe their first relationship ended badly when they were at an impressionable age. Either way, people like this are never able to trust others because they’ve made up their minds that no one in the world is trustworthy.

Being with Someone Who Doesn’t Trust You

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you can be very frustrating. No matter how much you try to show the other person that you love them, they refuse to believe you. And they twist the evidence present so that it’s in their favor. Any little thing you do wrong is taken as evidence of your lack of love and your lack of trustworthiness. Being in a relationship like this takes a toll on the partner who is constantly running around trying to prove their love.

Can You Make Someone Trust You?

If this describes you, you need to take a step back and think about whether the other person really has a reason not to trust you or whether they just don’t trust you because of baggage they’re carrying around from the past. Because if it’s the latter, then there’s not much you can do to resolve the issue. But if their lack of trust arose because of a betrayal on your part, then you can try counseling, learn to communicate better and of course, behave in a trustworthy manner from that point forward.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

How trust can affect a health relationship

As you know, trust is vital to any healthy romantic relationship. Still, it can be difficult to trust. There are many reasons we may distrust our significant other, including the reality that they may have betrayed our trust.

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That said, our own life experiences impact our own views on trust as well. Here are three experiences that may impact us:

  1. Self-esteem issues. Many of us struggle with managing our self-esteem, which can come from a variety of experiences. For example, if we experienced social rejection as a child/teen, were betrayed and/or abandoned by someone we love, or experienced bullying, we may feel like we don’t deserve love. That makes it easy for mistrust to infiltrate relationships as adults. Early life experiences play a significant role in our development.
  2. Abuse. Trusting a significant other after being in an abusive relationship is difficult. Living in an abusive household as a child can make it difficult to trust as well. This impacts our belief in the central goodness and trustworthiness of others. As in issues with self-esteem, mistrust takes root.
  3. Previous infidelity. When you have been cheated on, it is easy to start seeing betrayal around every corner. Even once you have moved on from that unhealthy relationship, little nagging thoughts can begin to sneak in, undermining your faith.

One of the healthiest steps you can take to handle issues of mistrust is to have a conversation with your significant other. Let them know if you are struggling due to previous experiences. A loving partner in a healthy relationship will support you and ask how to help. This may mean seeing a therapist, volunteering, attending self-esteem workshops, or finding other ways to strengthen your relationship. Indeed, this can help you to trust your partner and move you towards a happy, fulfilled life together!

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!