Alimony, Child Support and Other Financial Considerations in Divorce

divorce_alimony_childsupport.jpg

When you're getting divorced, the emotional aspect of it is probably on your mind more than the financial. You're just trying to get used to the idea of being single again. So you may not pay too much attention to the way in which the finances are arranged. However, if you don't pay attention to this aspect now, you're sure to regret it later.

Expenses Increase After a Divorce

Let's face it: two people living alone are going to spend more money than two people living together. When you only have one rent/mortgage to pay and when you're buying groceries in bulk, you're going to save money. So it's important to make sure that you're not putting yourself at a disadvantage, financially speaking.

Alimony and Child Support

Most women have to decide whether to apply for alimony and child support. Don't let your pride prevent you from doing this because you'll regret it later. You may already have a job but if your spouse was the main breadwinner, your job may not pay you as well as you need to support yourself and your kids. You're not out to fleece your ex, only to get what's needed for you and your kids to maintain a decent standard of living.

Splitting the Assets

Make sure that you know the value of any assets the two of you might own, like a house or a vacation home. You might end up selling these assets and splitting the proceeds. Or one of you might take one while the other will take the other. But if you opt not to sell, then don't settle for the asset with a lower market value. Make sure you get your half of the assets, whether you choose to liquidate them or not.

Working It Out Amicably

The best thing to do is to work things out amicably with your ex-spouse, with both lawyers present, or a mediator, if that's what you've opted to do. You don't want things to get to the point where you're fighting it out in court.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Stuck in the Middle: Kids and Divorce

Depositphotos_13932631_m-2015.jpg

Divorce is stressful. There is a lot on your plate between maintaining your job, dividing all the assets, figuring out living situations, and determining custody agreements. Even if you were the one that asked for the divorce, there is some sadness too. It's a major chapter of your life coming to an end. It's easy to forget how much your child's life is changing too. While doing your best to keep all the sadness and hurt from them, trying to keep their schedule as normal as possible, and never bad mouthing the other parent, your kids are still stressed too. 

Even if your kids knew everything wasn't happy in your marriage they still won't understand why it's happening. They will internalize it. They will spend a fair amount of time wondering if they could have stopped it. It is so important to keep the lines of communication open with them. What details you reveal are at your discretion, but some form of, "mommy and daddy grew in different directions, and while we don't love each other anymore, we both still love you very much," is important. Kids need that reassurance, and often. 

Little kids can sometimes hold very unrealistic expectations; such as asking if you can all still live together. Their entire world is often centered on us and how we behave. Keep that in mind always. The way you talk to your soon to be ex in front of them, and how you talk about each other to them, will be remembered. As much as you want the divorce to be over or as angry as you may be, the kids don't need to see it, not now. When they are older, late teens to adults, they are more capable of having a conversation about how you felt, but now they not only can't understand, but they will internalize. 

Divorce for kids means their entire way of life has ended. Consider (if possible) a civil friendship with your ex until the kids are older. If your kids play sports, are in band, or anything other event you go watch, if you and your ex can't sit together your kids will have to choose who to run to first. That kind of decision can be crushing for them. Their time with their parents is now limited. They will have different rules and expectations at both houses. They will have a lot of their own emotions tied in as well. As hard as this is for you, it is just as hard on them. Make sure you acknowledge that to them, and try to help them through it too. 

Your kids will survive your divorce, but they will need your help to do it. Don't minimize their suffering (by accident or by choice) because they are young, and don't compare it to yours. 

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

How Being Positive Can Help Dispel Feelings of Loneliness After a Gray Divorce

Gray Divorce.jpg

The term "gray divorce" is generally used to refer to people getting divorced in their fifties. Often, you'll find that these are couples who stayed together for the sake of the children. And as soon as the kids were safely off to college, the couple didn't feel the need to stay together anymore. Of course, things may not be as cut and dried as this; there are many other reasons why people get divorced as well. But if the couple has been married since their twenties, then it's likely that they stuck it out for the kids.

Loneliness

Like any other divorce, the thing that's most scary about a gray divorce is the idea of being alone. You get used to having someone around to do normal things with, such as running errands or watching TV. You might have other couple friends that you went to meet together. Even if you didn't spend a lot of time together, there's a certain sense of comfort in having someone else in the house at the same time. So the idea of losing that can be intimidating.

Friends and Kids

It's more than likely that one of the two spouses will also lose their friends because friends always end up having to take sides in a divorce, thus enhancing the feelings of loneliness. Although children don't have to take sides, the fact is that the child will end up feeling more sympathy for the parent that they are closer to.

Dating

When you've been one half of a couple for so many years, your dating skills are quite rusty. You might feel self-conscious about approaching a member of the opposite sex. Women often complain that men their age are looking for younger women. And if the men are fairly successful in their careers, younger women are also open to dating them. So there are some obstacles when it comes to dating again.

Positivity

It's important to keep in mind that you're not going to be alone for the rest of your life. A lot of self-help gurus recommend that you should remind yourself about all the good things in your life; this will give you the motivation you need to keep going. Try online dating or download an app which will allow you to chat and become comfortable with someone before meeting them. And remember that you now have the freedom to try whatever you like. Be adventurous.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Gray Divorce: Trends To Know; Tips If You're In The Process

Once upon a time, it was " 'til death do us part." Now it's "there's no time like the present" when it comes to divorce, especially for those over 50:

Gray Divorce.jpg
  • While divorce rates have decreased in most age groups, the rate for those over 50 has doubled since 1990.
  • There are many reasons for gray divorce, among them: facing an unfulfilling relationship over a longer life expectancy, the stress of second marriages and blended families that do not work out and women working longer with independent and higher incomes than in the past.
  • The social and religious stigma attached to older people divorcing no longer seen as an issue.

Here are seven things to know if you're involved in a gray divorce (or thinking about it):

Gray divorce is typically very expensive, because couples together for 20 to 30 years amass greater wealth and property that must be equitably divided, and because they have no minor children home needing financial support. The greater the wealth, the more complicated and costly the court proceedings and attorneys. Both parties in a gray divorce facing living on less income, since retirement savings may be reduced by legal fees and payments to their ex-partner.

Funds in a 401(K), 457, 403(b), IRA or pension accounts must be divided correctly, or both parties face fines and penalties. An attorney who specializes in the documentation needed for this, called a QDRO, can help you avoid expensive legal issues later.

The kids are all right...maybe: Your grown children and their kids may be fine with the divorce, or they may experience their own collective meltdown, with the younger generations taking sides and worrying about what's now left of "their" inheritance. And less money for the divorcing parties means less money to help them with any plans or expenses they incur.

And if you're a member of the "sandwich generation," will you have the means to help your parents post-divorce? Or will they need to assist you? Will all of you have enough money to last the rest of your lives?

Your health and health insurance both become major financial factors later in life. While you cannot prepare for every eventuality, you need to budget for as many "what ifs" as possible as you age, including home health care, long-term insurance and nursing home care.

Doing what you love, not just what you need matters to your quality of life at every stage. Will you have the means to travel, visit family, socialize with friends and pursue your hobbies after the divorce?

Even in the midst of divorce chaos, it's possible to have calm and rational discussions with both your attorneys and a financial planner. Before you go your separate ways in anger, try divorce mediation first, to work out the dollars and sense details. While both parties will give up and compromise during the process, neither will walk away feeling like the biggest loser.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Surviving and Thriving During Divorce

Depositphotos_74121089_m-2015.jpg

No one enters a marriage expecting it to end in divorce. If you're going through one, though, you're not alone--over 40% of marriages end in divorce. Letting go of a failing marriage is difficult, and finding your way through this challenging time can seem impossible. You can find meaning and hope, though, as you rebuild your life. Here are some tools and tips to help: 

Make Room for Your Feelings

When you're going through a divorce, your feelings may run from grief to anger and back again. In the face of your daily responsibilities, it can be tempting to push those feelings aside. 

Make room in your life to feel and cope with those emotions. Journaling is a powerful tool for getting in touch with your thoughts and feelings. It doesn't need to be fancy--just a simple notebook where you jot down what you're feeling can be enough. 

Talking with a trusted friend or family member can also provide an outlet for challenging emotions. 

Ask for Help

It can be tempting to isolate yourself when your marriage is ending. This can cut off much needed support and assistance.

Reach out to empathetic friends or family members. Whether you need someone to listen or help with child care or household tasks, people are often happy to help. They just may not be sure how to help. 

Counseling can be especially helpful. It gives you a dedicated space to explore how you're feeling and help you develop tools to cope. Support groups and social groups for those going through divorce can also provide you with assistance as well as provide a social outlet.

Take Care of Yourself

Divorce can be a financially difficult time, and you may feel like you can't indulge. It's important to still make room to take care of yourself. 

Exercise can be a powerful way to feel more energized and refreshed. Even a short walk outside can be helpful. Yoga is a calming way to reconnect with your body.

A long bath with a good book can be relaxing and provide a much needed distraction.

Regardless of what it looks like for you, take time out for you and your needs.   

Click here to schedule a 30 Minutes to Clarity Coaching Session today!