12 Online Dating Tips for Moving On After a Breakup

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Dating is an important part of life. But not everyone has what it takes to go up to someone else in person and ask them out on a date. This is why everyone now uses an on-line dating site and other mobile apps to chat with someone first, then talk on the phone and finally go out on a date.

This makes it possible to get to know the other person a little bit first, before catching up with them one on one. You get a chance to see their photos, read their self-description and ask them questions about what they like and don't like. This makes you a lot more confident when you actually meet that person in real life.

Posting a Photo on an on-line dating site

You don't need to post a lot of photos of yourself on an on-line dating site. Even just one great photo is fine. But make sure that it's a good one.

  • Smile: Most people swipe right on photos where the other person is smiling.
  • Make an Effort: It helps if the photo is well-lit and you look well-groomed and well-dressed.
  • Gym Photos: Guys, please stay away from photos in the gym. Women can tell when you have a good body even if you're wearing a shirt.
  • Car/Bike Photos: Guys, stay away from photos of your car or bike. Most women don't care for bikes. And do you really want a woman who likes you for your car?
  • Adventure Photos: Just remember that no one looks great when they're scuba-diving or parasailing. So you can leave those photos out.
  • Photos with Pets: These can be supercute. Plus, they show an affectionate side of you that will attract the other person.
  • Older/Thinner Photos: Many people post old photos of themselves from when they were younger or thinner. This might get the other person interested for now but they're obviously going to lose interest once they meet you. So don't do it.

Writing a Description for an on-line dating site

Many times, people just post a couple of photos of themselves on an on-line dating site but don't write anything. Or they might just write a line or two. But remember that the other person wants to know what kind of person you are before they swipe right on you. In fact, if you don't photograph well, then this is your chance to impress that person with your charm and wit.

  • Interests: Tell them what kinds of books you like to read and what kind of movies you love.
  • Passions: What's your passion? What do you want to do in life?
  • Relationships: What are you looking for in a partner? What are you willing to bring to the equation?
  • Be Yourself: Make sure to consider the type of person that you're looking for in your photos and your write up. Try to appeal to that person but be yourself at the same time.
  • Don't Lie: It's really not a good idea to make things up in order to sound smarter or funnier than you really are.

 

Resolving Gender Roles and Family Values in Intercultural Relationships

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Often, people have many differences in relationships; this is why the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was a real success. It seems like men and women have really different takes when it comes to relationships, marriage, work and children. If you add cultural differences to the mix, a relationship can become even more explosive. So here are a few things to keep in mind when you embark on a cross-cultural relationship.

Gender Roles

Women the world over are becoming more independent, both financially and emotionally. However, in certain parts of the world, the man is still expected to be the breadwinner while the woman takes care of the home. It's possible that, within a relationship, one of the two spouses might believe in a more traditional division of labor while the other one might not.

Just because you have different ideas doesn't mean that you should have issues in your relationship. You both need to sit down and figure out a way of doing things that works for both of you. If both of you compromise a little bit, you should be able to come to an arrangement that works for you.

Of course, neither of the two partners should feel like they are being forced or pigeonholed in any way. So it's important to keep the channels of communication open. If a certain arrangement is not working for you, then express how you feel and trust that your partner cares enough about you to make some adjustments.

Family Values

In certain countries like India, Italy, Puerto Rico etc., family is considered very important. It's very rare for people to be completely out of touch with their families or only meet them once or twice a year. People spend time with their families on a regular basis and they help each other out whenever necessary. For example, if someone needs help babysitting, they can always call their parents, siblings etc. for help. People go on vacations with their large families too. And they look up to their elders, often doing what they say even if they don't agree with them.

As opposed to this, we have the Western paradigm. Most Westerners leave their families when they go to college and live independently as adults. If they move out of state, they might only meet their families a couple of times a year.

If you're marrying someone from a more family-oriented culture, you might have to get used to the idea of marrying an entire family! Most people find that once they adjust to the idea, they actually start liking this new way of life because it gives you so many people to fall back on. Still, if you feel like you need more privacy, this is also something you can discuss with your spouse and come to a compromise.

Women and money: From first-time on your own to end-of-life decisions

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Women handed over property and wealth to their husbands upon marriage, and while usually granted a household stipend and spending money for themselves, law and custom frequently prevented them making major decisions about their own funds. Women could be widowed or divorced and left with no means of support. They could leave little of consequence to their daughters, thus perpetuating financial poverty and ignorance.

Times have changed, but when it comes to managing money, many women have yet to change their mindset. They still consider their parents or the arrival of a life partner to help manage their assets more important than learning to do it themselves.

A practical approach to changing women's outlook on their assets is looking at life's stages, and what they mean in terms of money management:

Savoring the single life while saving money:

  1. Put together a realistic budget: Use paper and pen, spreadsheet or a service such as Mint, Quicken or You Need A Budget. Use enough categories to account for spending and have one for mad money - to do whatever you want.
  2. Pay your savings first: Decide on a set percentage of your paycheck that goes into retirement fund and an emergency fund. The end of your working life isn't far away and life's "Oh $!#*" moments happen.
  3. Use coupons, think off-season, find free: Not every activity has to cost money. Supplement your singles budget with free or inexpensive outings, find off-season bargains and use apps and coupons to save money.
  4. If your job offers a 401(K) or other investment program, use it: Many companies match the money you invest up to a certain percentage. The company is giving you free money; take it and do not borrow from that fund. Roll it over to another retirement fund when you move on.

That special someone: marriage and money

  1. Conducting THAT conversation: When you know it's serious and the romance will advance, be bold and speak your money mind. It helps if you establish early on that you are a willing and equal financial partner in the dating game (going halves on dining out, cooking a special meal).
  2. Same page, same chapter, same book? You and your partner-to-be don't have to agree exactly when it comes to managing money. It does not hurt to agree on the major points, such as combined versus separate accounts and who pays for what expenses.
  3. Think on a timeline: You are together until death do you part. You don't need to buy a house a month after the wedding. Take time, save money and research what you want and where you want to live before making that investment.
  4. Wills and power of attorney: Marriage means updating your wills so each of you knows the other's decisions. At the same time, consider preparing power of attorney paperwork so you can act for the other if a medical crisis occurs.

Isn't (s)he precious - and expensive!

  1. That bundle of joy is a joy - and it's going to cost you: about $234,000 from birth to age 17. And that's without the costs of giving birth or sending the child to college. Once having children is an agreed-upon part of your lives, start saving.
  2. Research state-funded college tuition programs and prepaid college tuition plans and invest money early.
  3. Babies need food, clothing, shelter, love and attention. The latest gadgets cost money you could invest in their future. Skip the fancy toys or find them secondhand.
  4. Raising children is a blur of expectations, hopes and dreams, and all the bills that come with it. Encourage your kids to follow their desires, rather than live out your expensive failures.

When there's no happily ever after

  1. Divorce and widowhood happen; financial poverty is preventable. Have funds of your own at all times. Keep that money separate and in your sole control.
  2. Know the basics of your household budget, even if you are neither spending nor earning most of the income. This knowledge will help when suspicious bills arrive in the mail, or collection calls start.
  3. Know your rights: You can receive Social Security benefits if widowed or divorced, but certain circumstances apply.
  4. Divorce is painful and expensive, and investing in an attorney to protect your interests and assets is the least expensive part of the process.

The time to talk about life's final journey

  1. Will you have enough? It is a worry that women face because they tend to earn less over a shorter and less-stable working life. Can you make the money you have last a lifetime by working longer, living in a group home, downsizing or moving to a lower cost of living location?
  2. Consider your loved ones and the pain and confusion they face if you don't face the issue of death and money. Keep your will updated and make sure copies are available. Complete a living will and advanced directive so your end-of-life decisions are known.
  3. Keep copies of your credit cards, Social Security card, passport, banking information, insurance policies and computer passwords in a "death file." Survivors will need this information after you die to make important phone calls, pay final bills and close down accounts.
  4. Plan your funeral ahead of time. The average cost of a funeral is just over $7,000. While death is a certainty, the exorbitant expense isn't when you chose and pay for the arrangements in advance.

Contact me today by clicking here to schedule a life line session to help you transition into financial independence.

Getting Serious? Be Sure to Discuss These 5 Topics Before Taking the Leap

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Dating in a "swipe right" world is much different than how your parents dated. Courtship has evolved into speed dating, dating apps, and inflated profiles. The good news is one aspect of dating hasn't changed. Discussing life-changing deal breakers before making ultimate commitments is still a best practice. If you find yourself in a semi-serious relationship and are contemplating a commitment, be sure to address these common social topics, and their financial implications before moving forward.

Having Children

Wanting or not wanting children can make or break a relationship instantly. Know your preferences and don't be afraid to engage in this conversation. Whether or not to have children can be a dynamic, life-changing decision. It also comes with a financial commitment of child-rearing costs, daycare, and tuitions. Make sure your partner shares your views.

Where to Live

If you've dreamt of country living and imagine yourself raising a family in a rural setting, you need to share this with your partner to make sure you're not committing to someone who feels just as strongly about living in the city. Where you plan to establish your family will also have financial implications. Be sure to discuss your expectations so you can prepare together how best to manage the cost of living in your dream location.

Religious Beliefs

We often avoid discussing religion when we're starting off a new relationship. However, if you're considering a long-term commitment, it's probably best to have these discussions. Aligning your moral compass with someone may be simple but adhering to a series of spiritual requirements or adopting a new faith altogether might be a deal breaker. Be candid and honest about what you expect. Religion can play a part in every aspect of life together including ceremonies, child-rearing, and obligations.

Division of Finances

Be clear about your spending decisions, setting up finances and investments. If you're adamant about maintaining your own accounts, discuss it with your partner. Maybe you both agree to make all of these financial decisions together and jointly. Don't be afraid to discuss credit scores, outstanding debts and plans for long-term savings. The more you're able to address up front, the easier the transition will be into a committed partnership.

Career Goals

Maybe your dream is to be an entrepreneur. Maybe you want to climb the corporate ladder with your firm. Maybe you don't want to work at all. Talking about your career goals and understanding your partner's career goals can uncover potential deal breakers. Career choices will also directly affect your income as a household.

Disagreeing on any of these topics doesn't necessarily constitute a breakup. It will, however, be a good indicator of shared beliefs and relationship compromise. Stick to your guns on those most important to you, but don't be afraid to negotiate others. Compromising and settling are very different. Be willing to compromise, but don't settle for someone who challenges your core beliefs. Discussing these before walking down the aisle can help eliminate a lifetime of resentment or costly separation later.

Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Sex Life

Communication and Relationships: Communication Is The Key To A Healthy Sex Life

 

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You know that feeling on Christmas morning, when you're sitting down near the tree, and you're excited because you're pretty sure your special someone got you just what you wanted? But then, as the day goes on, you realize that they didn't. Instead, they got you something that was very thoughtful, and a little insightful, but it wasn't really what you had your heart set on.

That feeling? That mix of bittersweet and disappointment that you feel sort of bad for having, but still can't shake off? There's no reason you should feel like that in your sex life. If you find that sensation creeping in, there's a sure-fire way to do away with it. It isn't a huge secret, but it can take time to get used to it.

Tell Them What You Want... It's As Simple As That

The reason you don't get the gift you want, more often than not, is a lack of communication. Maybe you think you were being clear, but if you're dropping hints hoping your significant other will follow the trail of breadcrumbs, there's no guarantee they'll reach the conclusion you wanted them to. If you want them to get to the right place, you need to post clear signs, and draw them a map.

Nowhere is this more true than when it comes to your sex life.

The problem is that a lot of us are embarrassed to talk about sex, or about what we want from sex. We think that if it isn't spontaneous, and that if it isn't born out of in-the-moment passion that it's somehow not as genuine, or that it shouldn't be as good. That thing where two people intimately know each other's wants, though? That happens in one of two ways. The first is that you're the protagonist in a romance novel, and the writer wants to make your love life seem perfect and magical. The second is that you and your partner have been together for a long time, and you've explored each other's needs, grown together, and discovered all those red buttons and secret wants.

There is no shortcut to a great sex life, but you can speed up the process by not playing coy when it comes time to retire to the bedroom (or the living room, or the kitchen, or wherever your preferred place happens to be). You just need to take a deep breath, sit down with your partner, and be open with them about what you need from them.

You Might Find Buried Treasure, If You Start Digging

Open, honest communication is scary. Even if you love your partner, and you trust them, you are leaving a very private part of yourself exposed. But if you can't be truly naked when it comes to your sex life, then when would there be a more appropriate time?

You'll find something else happens when you're direct, open, and honest with your partner, too. You end up learning that what you want might not really be all that hard to provide. Whether it's how you like to be touched, what your fantasies are, or what things you'd really prefer your partner stop doing, you're going to find those barriers that felt insurmountable are really just smoke and mirrors.

Because trying to figure out your partner's sexual wants is a lot like being a safe cracker. If you've got a good ear, the right tools, and a lot of experience, you can tell when the tumblers have dropped, and you've gotten inside. But since you want your partner to get in, not giving them the combination in the first place isn't really helping anyone.

Alimony, Child Support and Other Financial Considerations in Divorce

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When you're getting divorced, the emotional aspect of it is probably on your mind more than the financial. You're just trying to get used to the idea of being single again. So you may not pay too much attention to the way in which the finances are arranged. However, if you don't pay attention to this aspect now, you're sure to regret it later.

Expenses Increase After a Divorce

Let's face it: two people living alone are going to spend more money than two people living together. When you only have one rent/mortgage to pay and when you're buying groceries in bulk, you're going to save money. So it's important to make sure that you're not putting yourself at a disadvantage, financially speaking.

Alimony and Child Support

Most women have to decide whether to apply for alimony and child support. Don't let your pride prevent you from doing this because you'll regret it later. You may already have a job but if your spouse was the main breadwinner, your job may not pay you as well as you need to support yourself and your kids. You're not out to fleece your ex, only to get what's needed for you and your kids to maintain a decent standard of living.

Splitting the Assets

Make sure that you know the value of any assets the two of you might own, like a house or a vacation home. You might end up selling these assets and splitting the proceeds. Or one of you might take one while the other will take the other. But if you opt not to sell, then don't settle for the asset with a lower market value. Make sure you get your half of the assets, whether you choose to liquidate them or not.

Working It Out Amicably

The best thing to do is to work things out amicably with your ex-spouse, with both lawyers present, or a mediator, if that's what you've opted to do. You don't want things to get to the point where you're fighting it out in court.