Communication Check Up

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Are you having trouble communicating with your partner?  Try these super strategies for success at communication!

1. During your evening meal together, avoid watching the television, reading the mail or newspaper. Look directly at your partner and have a conversation.  

 2. Ask open ended questions to encourage your partner to open up and talk. Open ended questions begin like this:  

 a. Tell me about...  

 b. What do you think of...  

 c. What was it like when...  

 3. Check your communication with your partner and beware of using "You" messages. These are statements that begin with the word "you". For example:

a. You need to come home by 6:00  

b. You shouldn't do that    

c. You should call me if you are going to be late

     "You" messages are damaging because they make the other person feel bad or that they are being blamed. It feels like you are talking down to them and can put them on the defensive.  

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

How to Make Downsizing Fun After a Divorce

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If you've recently went through a divorce, you may have thought about downsizing your home? Homeownership comes with its rewards but it can also be challenging if the mortgage is larger than your new budget. Maybe you've thought of getting a smaller house but then you remembered you the children. However, with the right mindset, you can reduce your mortgage costs with children. You just need the right "selling points" to make this work. Here are three:

Savings

Obviously, when you downsize you will save substantially on your mortgage. With the extra money you'll pocket every month, your family can enjoy nicer or extended vacations. Or there may be long-term financial benefits. The savings can help pay for future educational goals of your children. Maybe one of them has always wanted private music lessons or karate classes. Whatever the case may be, you will have a bit more wiggle room for all those things kids always want. Use this as a selling point with them. 

Family time

Nothing says family time like being closer together physically. When you downsize, chances are you can get a little bit closer to the kids. Some of the children may need to share a room, depending on how many you have. Your new home may have only a living room instead of both a living room and family room. This can be a positive experience if you promote doing more together as a family.

Highlight "special feature"

Just because you're downsizing to a smaller home doesn't mean you won't find a plus in the new home that your current home doesn't have. For example, maybe you can find a downsized home that has more yard space, more privacy, or even a pool in the backyard. Or if your current home is not close to other houses, the new one may have close neighbors, which means other kids to play with. You may find a home that is smaller but has a unique loft that your kids will love to fix up and make their own. Look for something special in the new house and sell that to the family. Downsizing with kids is certainly a bigger challenge, but your perspective makes all the difference. With a little work, you will have the whole family excited about the idea.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Body Language Clues You Should Look For

Communication and Relationships: Body Language Clues You Should Look For

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How many times have you been on a date, and you just can't figure out if it's going well or not. Everything seems okay from where you're sitting, but you wish there was just some way you could get a sign confirming that. Well, it might be sitting right in front of you... you just aren't seeing it. Take a closer look at your date, and look for these three, simple body language tics that can give you a heads-up as to what's going on just beneath the surface.

Signal #1: Leaning In

This one seems obvious, but the obvious signs are sometimes the easiest ones to miss when you're stressing. If someone is leaning in, that means they're interested in you. If you need additional confirmation, look at the direction their body is pushed. If their feet and legs are facing you, as well as their face, you have their attention. That's definitely a good sign, and one you should not ignore.

Signal #2: Openness

Most of the time when we talk about our dates being open, we're referring to their level of honesty. However, open body language is a sign of comfort, and interest. So if your date is closed off, with their arms crossed, their legs crossed, and their head tucked down like they were in a fight rather than on a date, those are all bad signs.

Signal #3: Where Are Their Hands?

While more open to interpretation than other gestures, where someone leaves their hands says a lot about their state of mind. Hands on the table, in plain sight, speaks to a greater level of comfort than hands under the table. If they look like they have something to hide, it might be because they're nervous, uncomfortable, or just not that into what's going on.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Light at the End of the Tunnel: Surviving Divorce

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Divorce is hard. Divorce is staring down the barrel of all the years the two of you spent together, and feeling the weight of your decisions. Divorce is loneliness and fear. Divorce is cataloging your entire life and deciding what you get to take with you. Divorce is so much more than just the emotional toll it takes on you. If you have children, they will crave answers to why their lives are shifting. Custody will have to be decided. The custody of pets must also be determined. From there you have to add up all the financial and physical wealth you've gained as a team and divide it to both parties satisfaction. 

It doesn't matter which side of the divorce you're on, whether you asked for it or not, there is an uncertainty there. Having to start everything over again will give you pause, if only for a moment. A lot of things happen during a divorce, and it can be easy to get swept up in it. There is usually anger from at least one party. If the anger is yours, don't give in to it. Divorce doesn't have to be a brutal fight, a desperate need to wrestle every ounce you can from the other party. In the end, none of that stuff will matter. Fighting with each other over Tupperware, Aunt Helen's tea cozies, and a pizza cutter won't truly make either of you feel better. "Winning" one of these items might feel good in the moment, but dragging out proceedings over every object will leave you both hurting more. 

Even though you are divorcing, remember, not all the times were bad. This person is someone you once loved. You planned a future with. You have inside jokes and funny stories. The relationship didn't work, and that's ok, but don't lose sight of all you gained from the marriage. Don't burn the bridge more than you have to. If you have kids, this is a bridge you will have to walk on often. Burning it makes you just as likely to get hurt. If you have kids, they are watching how you treat their other parent. It's setting a baseline for every break up they have. 

No matter how long the divorce seems, no matter how hard it is to get through the changes and the loss, all of it will come to an end. You will walk out the other side. When you do, there is an internal push for change. Cutting your hair, buying all new furniture, a need to pull all of the pieces together immediately. Be wary of that inner voice. It's all too easy to overspend and end up in very troubled waters. This time all on your own. Make the changes, pull things together, but do it mindfully and responsibly. 

Divorce is a fresh start. Divorce is a way to reinvent yourself. Divorce is the beginning of the next phase of your life. Divorce is pushing yourself on to better things. Divorce can be scary, but it's usually for the best. 

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!

Taking Care of Yourself and Moving On After a Breakup

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Breakups affect everyone—those who are married and those who are unmarried, those who have been together for ten years and those who have only been dating for six months. So if your breakup is affecting you, remember that you're not alone. There are many people around you who feel the same way.

Not everyone may feel equally comfortable expressing how they feel after a breakup; they might keep their emotions bottled up inside. This doesn't mean that they don't feel anything. They might be letting their emotions out when they are alone.

It's normal and necessary to grieve after a breakup. But at some point, you need to make a decision to move on. Here are some tips to help you do so:

Self Care                                   

One of the most important things you need to do after a breakup, which will enable you to move on, is to care for yourself. Be good to yourself in any way possible. For some people, self-care might take the form of reading a mystery novel or doing yoga. For others, a spa day or just a manicure will do the trick. You probably know what makes you feel good. So do that.

But remember to also take care of your health by eating well and exercising. Make an effort to dress well too as this will help you to feel more confident when you're ready to start dating gain. Keep your home clean and tidy. These are all really basic things but a lot of people tend to ignore them when they are feeling depressed after a breakup.

Dating

At some point, you're going to feel ready to start dating again. Don't rely on meeting people by chance. It's true that a lot of people meet their spouses at work or at school. However, you may not be in school anymore. And there may not be anyone interesting for you to date at work.

So don't be afraid to go online and set up a profile at a dating website or on an app. Be very clear in your self-description about what you are looking for so that you're not inundated with "likes" and "superlikes" from people who are looking for something different from you. For example, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, you should say so. On the other hand, if you're just looking to socialize and meet new people, you can state that as well.

I offer a 45 minute complimentary Clarity Session to show you how I can help you. Click here to book your session now!